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cestlamour_xx
19 October 2010 @ 07:19 am
What was the last song you couldn't get out of your head no matter how hard you tried?


I've been singing "Redlight" by David Nail thanks to my best friend not knowing it. It wouldnt go away...

"At a redlighttttt... in the sunshineee.... on a sundayyyyy..."

yeah.

p.s. hey guys! sorry ive been gone. guess my life has been less dramatic and frustrating. :D
 
 
cestlamour_xx
25 October 2009 @ 11:54 am


Making my journal friends only so I can control who's viewing it. If you dont have a livejournal, create one if you want to continue reading. Comment to be added to my friends list and let me know why you want to read. Thanks. :)
 
 
 
cestlamour_xx
06 October 2009 @ 06:56 am
What band are you dying to see live in concert that you've never seen before? Would you travel to a different city or state just to see them?
Paramore. I'm dying to see them... because Ive been a fan for so long. I have a wall in my room of bands I've seen and want to see. Right now, I just switched over jason mraz to the "have seen" side and this sunday i'll be doing the same with ingrid michaelson. Paramore will be the only one left! So heres to hoping they tour!



 
 
cestlamour_xx
08 September 2009 @ 09:00 pm
 Tomorrow: School. Yuck. Cheer practice. 
Thursday: Same as tomorrow.
Friday: Game in the Dalles.:P 
Saturday: Date with Jack, Sorority Row. :D Babysitting for Leah and Travis.
Sunday: Double date with Jack and Carlea and Derek. Not sure what were doing yet. 

Tomorrow I have classes with Kenra and Carlea. I hope I have lunch with Camilla! I havent seen her in like a couple of weeks. Carlea and I had a sleepover, it was fun and we got out alllllll our shit. She is so much... chill-er without Terry. I dont have a lot more to say other than Jack is really really really rad. And cute. and I'm so excited for saturday. :D :D :D

 
 
cestlamour_xx
05 September 2009 @ 10:27 am
 "My pen is the barrel of the gun, remind me what side you should be on?"

School starts next week. Im not done with summer homework. I'm joining Kenras youth group. Ive been doing a lot of family hopping. Ive seen my sister alot. I dont know what being back at school is going to be like. I got to talk to Laura for the first time in months. Ive had a good week, I guess. Except I cant find my phone charger. Fuck that... rawr. Todays the moore cup, make up game. Randy was in New Guniea for the real one so they had to play again! Its raining, poor men.
I have a DATE Monday. He's 6'4. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair done. I got my first pedicure.  Spencer hates me and I cant change it. I think Camilla is going to be one of my best friends this year. Taylor has moved back to portland and is pretty spiffy. Carmen is a beautiful little 3 year old firecracker and I cant believe I just met her yesterday, I remember when Kelsey got pregnant! I've seen Caleb alot lately, Katelyns brother, hes pretty chill.

The third month since Chelsea was here passed while I was camping and with Amy. I didnt really think about it, or I tried not to. Being on the motor boat out on the lake was amazing and thats probably when I thought about it most. "Old Blue" the boat has been my favorite thing since i was little. If I would've been home, I think I would've cried more. But I didnt, and I think keeping myself occupied the 29th through the 2nd is the best way to get through it.





 
 
 
cestlamour_xx
05 September 2009 @ 09:48 am
It's been in the past for a while
I get a flash and I smile...
Am I crazy?
I still miss you, baby.

Where does the love go?
I don't know...
When it's all said and done,
How could I be losing you forever?
After all the time we spent together?
I have to know why I had to lose you...
Now you've just become
Like everything I'll never find again
At the bottom of the ocean.

In a dream, you appear,
For a while you were here.
So I keep sleeping
Just to keep you with me.
I'll draw a map, connect the dots,
With all the memories that I got
What I'm missing, I'll keep reliving.

Where does the love go?
I don't know...
When it's all said and done
How could I be losing you forever?
After all the time we spent together?
I have to know why I had to lose you...
Now you've just become
Like everything I'll never find again
At the bottom of the ocean.

You won't have to love me for me to ever understand,
Just know I loved the time that we both had...
And I don't ever wanna see you sad.
Be happy
'Cause I don't wanna hold you
If you don't wanna tell me you love me, babe
Just know I'm gonna have to walk away
I'll be big enough for both of us to say,
Be happy.

I hope life treats you kind, 
And I hope you have all that you ever dreamed of, 
And I wish you joy and happiness, 
But above all this, I wish you love; 
And I will always love you.

I hate the way that my words come together at your expense.
Wish that when I wrote I wouldnt have to be so honest.
Show some tact or show some class or maybe just some respect.
Ill respect you when you respect me, what can you expect?
I still fight the urge to call, I know theres nothing to say.
But I still love you and i think about you every day.
Its not easy for me though I know I act like it is.
Feel the pain, it hurts so bad I guess I've got to fake it...


 
 
cestlamour_xx
So, Laura not blogging about Chelsea Anymore idea didnt really work out. Soon I'll stop. promise. I even have a bit to say about Carlea in this post... cause were friends again. "WHAT?!?" you say? "Didnt she call you a lesbian and ruin your life?" Yes. But she also appologized in a sincere long email. And Ive sent those kinds of appologies, very recently, and the feeling of being rejected really fucking sucks. So, I'm hoping karma will kick in and my forgiving carlea will force the universe into making chelsea forgive me. If I can forgive Carlea, why cant Chelsea forgive me? I guess thats the difference in the kind of persron I am and the kind of person Chelsea is. Anyways, Carlea and I are hanging out Monday with her boyfriend and his friend. Shes hooking me up.  I dont trust her. Dont think that just because we're friends that means that were BEST friends all over again. Its not like that, and i'm not going to let it be. She can think that it is, if she'd like to but I know where I stand.

First football game friday, should be really fun. Guest List: Katelyn, Caleb, Leah Mason Travis and Lendin, Chelsea Sampson, Taylor booth and kelsey b... whatever her last name is. And my parents obviously. Thriillingg.

I have thirty dollars from watching my cousins (i'm at my aunts right now.) and I'm about to leave to go to my OTHER aunts in Tualitan for hte night. Then were going to Corvallis to see my grandma then back to my house for the Boise State game! I'm babysitting again saturday for Leah, which means i'll have another fourty cash for SUNDAY! Which is when I get my hair done and go  backtoschool shopping with my mom.

I miss Danielle. I miss talking to her about beauty products and clothes. I miss arguing on Spencers phone about Chelsea and Carlea and other truely random shit. I miss "Youre all I have, and you dont even realize it." I miss making promises. Three years is a lot more than three months, but face to face is different than texting and phone calls. But I have thought about Danielle alot more than usual lately and I wish I could just give her a call. Its ridiculously tempting. I
 
 
cestlamour_xx
28 August 2009 @ 08:02 am
 maybe if i talked youd listen.
maybe youd get pissed off.
maybe youd let me back in.
maybe youd ignore me.
maybe you miss me.
maybe you dont.
maybe i dont really miss you.
maybe im wrong about you.
maybe im right.

maybe doesnt even sound like a real word anymore...

colbie calliats CD pretty much is my life this summer in songs. pick it up, and ingrid michaelson's new one cause it just rocks. 

maybe everything still kinda sucks around here. maybe it doesnt. i dont honestly know.
 
 
cestlamour_xx
 Note:This  is just an excerpt from a long, three page letter I was given the day Chelsea left.

Dear Laura,

I need you just as much as you need me, I may not show it as much because of my past experiences with needing someone so much I couldnt breathe - literally- and they walked away every time. But know that I will never walk away from you - EVER. 

Chelsea Wickline.



Where are you now Chelsea? Because I need you, and your no where in sight. God, I wish so much that I could forward this damn blog to her. 

 
 
cestlamour_xx
I'm tired of spending my blog complaining about Chelsea, and nothing else. So, this is my final big rant and then I will explain my new blogging thoughts.

I had an incredible dream last night that was pretty much everything Ive been wishing for lately. Chelsea and Danielle showed up at my house, unannounced and yet I seemed to almost not be surprised. Anyways, they showed up and kind of were acting standoffish towards me but somehow, we were kind of getting along. My house looked nothing like my real house, except in the garage, where chelsea/dani parked their random car. A ton of people showed up with them and I made them all go into my basement to hide them from my parents. It really made no sense, at this point. Then, right after my mom caught me with Chelsea we were suddenly sitting on the lawn somewhere, being talked at by someone, but not really paying attention. I was sitting with danielle (who was kind of a giant, for some reason. slightly odd. she looked more like the danielle from her pictures in highschool, not the current one.) and we were talking about how her voice sounded different than on the phone. She seemed to have forgiven me. It was happy. Then aretha showed up and attacked my mom, and then tried to attack me (and sit on me! ah!) but I calmed her down somehow. That all occured in the fake-dream version of my room. then, danielle and i were back in my room calling Mai (of raining jane, very random part of the dream) and talking about what had happened. Everything was OK.

And then I woke up.
And cried, came upstairs and watched some tv, and then went downstairs to do my hair and makeup, while crying again because I put on my chelsea playlist. Lately, all Ive wanted to do is pick up the phone and call Danielle. Or myspace message her. I wish I had gotten to spend four days with her, like I did with Chelsea. She will always be just words to me, now. And a strange valley-girl meets southern meets flat accented voice coming through spencers sidekick.

Oh, and apparently I'm no longer nice and amazing, just attractive. Thanks Spencer. 

ANWAYS.

I saw Julie And Julia the day it  came out, and it was wonderful. I'm a huge amy adams fan sooooo I was a little bias and found that she was aweeeesome  as usual, although most of the reviews didnt like her. Psh. Silly silly people unaware of her awesomeness. Id marry her just about as fast as I'd marry Rachel McAdams. Ok, not quite.

I spent the whole movie wanting to come up with a new direction for my blog. I mean, I know no one reads it except maybe Cori from time to time and my cousin Betsi and uhh whoever else is my friend on here. But still, I'm about as sick of talking about Chelsea as I'm sure EVERYONE in my life is of hearing about it. Shes stuck in my head, but I'm going to try to keep that to myself a bit more. From now on, I guess the point of my blog will be something like, Things I Learned During My Last Three Years of High School. All kinds of crazy confessions from a sophmore varsity cheerleader at PHS. My freshman year sucked and was completely uninteresting. But ive changed A LOT in many different ways over the summer, so this could get interesting. However, I dont write about things in my life nearly as well as my dear online blogging friend Cordelia (like i actually call her that, ever. hah.) who can hook you in on the simplest of subjects, but I promise to try. Right now, theres a week till Daily Doubles, action packed plans for a party with my oldest friend Sierra, My little  brothers 13th birthday and the Time Travelers wife premiere. Ladeedah. We'll see where this takes us. My dads home from Eugene, so I gotta jet. 

:)